I truly believe that we are all in need of healing.
The goal of this article is to share some personal tips on how to begin that forgiveness process so we can all move forward with healthier relationships, and lighter hearts. By holding onto anger and pain, we are giving away our personal power to others or situations. This anger and pain continues to trigger our old, unhealed emotions and blocks our joy and freedom. I have spent the last 2.5 years releasing pain and trauma by walking a spiritual path guided by the teachings and healings of the Modern Mystery School. In this article, I share some of my personal best practices and thought patterns that I’ve embraced to release anger and pain from past unhealthy relationships and the path forward through forgiving.
We all come from various walks of life and different backgrounds, yet one thing that we all share is having some level of pain or trauma from childhood relationships or ones that formed later into teens and adulthood. Many people are being abused and bullied by others, and one of the most common explanations is that they too are experiencing pain and are lashing out.
It’s likely that if you’re reading this article, you already have a desire to heal. We must be willing to let go of anger and pain from our past relationship wounds for the below steps to work.
1) Everyone is healing at their own pace.
We all are walking on our own path of learning and growth. Regardless of age or background, everyone is at a different place with knowing themselves and how they’re choosing to engage with the world. Whether people have an awareness of their choice to progress is a different topic altogether.
This is a key nugget of information that I remind myself of often. In saying this, I am not condoning the actions of others that have caused pain or have been abusive in some way. It is unacceptable to cause harm or hurt one another. We can, however, give people the benefit of the doubt that they are doing their best based on the tools and experiences they have available. This has helped me not take things so personally.
Additionally, one of the 7 hermetic principle states “Every Cause has its Effect; every Effect has its Cause; everything happens according to Law.” Based on my understanding of this principle, I decided that it’s not my job to punish someone or make them suffer due to the pain they’ve caused me. What I can control is how I let their actions or behaviors affect me. It’s within my power how I choose to treat others, especially when I experience pain or hurt. It is a great reflection of my own growth and commitment to put out the energy I want to receive back in return.
Their reality is not my reality and their opinions are not my own. Each of us experiences situations and circumstances differently based on our own filters. These filters live within the subconscious mind and are created during our developmental years through programming or beliefs instilled within us.
This step helped me begin to shift my perspective in an empowering way. It helped me realize that how someone else treats me has nothing to do with me, but everything to do with them. I started to have compassion for them and came to the understanding that they were probably hurting if they were lashing out in a negative way.
2)What qualities can you esteem about them?
This can be a tough step, especially if you have a hard time thinking of this person without being reminded of the pain they caused you. But this step can help you remember that they are another divine being, not some evil nemesis sent here to torture you.
For many years I tried talking about my past relationship wounds with a licensed therapist. This step I received from a therapist I was seeing years ago. After numerous conversations where I would in detail explain all the reasons why this person, who caused me so much pain, was such a terrible person.
Our therapy sessions became a time for me to replay, repeating story after story, the pain this person caused me by staying attached to the victim-perpetrator dynamic between us. My therapist once asked me, ‘well what do you like about this person?’ I remember sitting there dumbfounded for a few minutes.
My association with them was often about all the qualities that validated why I felt they were a terrible person. But to think about what I liked about them required me to drop my guard a little and shift my perspective. Certainly, this person was well liked among other colleagues and family members. What we’re some ways I viewed this person in an esteemed manor?
Slowly, I started to make a list of qualities I admire about this person and I was shocked. From this new perspective, I started to see this person in a new light versus the character they had played in my storyline. They were more than this role I had cast them to in my life.
3) Express how you feel.
One of the hardest things to do can be sitting them down and expressing how you feel. Now please use discernment here, there may be some situations where it’s not possible for you to communicate with them or it’s not within your best interest to meet with them.
Another option is to write them a letter and then safely burn it to symbolize your readiness to let go. For situations where this person is still in your life, but you feel like there are unhealed pieces from the past, try to sit them down in a calm environment and express how you feel. Remember to make it about you and to use “I felt” or “I feel” statements.
The goal here is to release and express your emotion so you can find a resolution. It’s important that we don’t repress our emotions because this can cause continued cycles or patterns of similar relationship dynamics in the future.
This step will not be helpful if you start to get into blaming statements about what they did to you or make them responsible for your personal emotions. You may be surprised to find that they too have a unique perspective to share with you. They may also be completely oblivious and not realize that their interaction with you caused you so much pain.
Regardless of the outcome or how they respond to your conversation, the goal is to get it off your chest and let it out so you can free yourself from the emotional weight of holding on. This step also helps us to take an empowered approach to our healing versus staying stuck a victim mentality by latching onto the story of what they did to you. As I have healed my personal past relationship wounds, the way I saw the person and interacted with them shifted as well.
Freedom is ahead.
The journey to healing our past relationship wounds is going to be unique for each person but my desire is that the above steps can provide some guidance or a different perspective for you.
One piece to keep in mind during this entire process is that you’re working through this for you, not for someone else. This is about you and your healing and being able to move forward in life.
One of the benefits I’ve found with studying with the Modern Mystery School is the initiation process helped me start healing at an accelerated rate. The lineage tools and the adept initiation helped me release emotional baggage I had been subconsciously carrying for years, recreating cyclical patterns in my life.
As I raised my vibration to one of more joy and forgiveness, I gained a whole new perspective on relationships that had been challenging for me in the past. This lifetime is such a gift where we are meant to learn and grow from our experiences, not stay stuck in a place of pain or suffering.
To talk more about healing past wounds and beginning your own transformation, contact me.