For those of us who have experienced sexual assault like I have, it is natural to want to find a way to be more empowered. This is a common reaction because sexual assault is someone exercising their power over us and a reasonable reaction against that is to increase our ownership of our own power.
I want to share my story of how I went from a victim of sexual assault to becoming an empowered individual in the hope that others can learn from my experiences and use this knowledge to empower themselves. I will highlight the key changes I made in my life to help me achieve this transformation and I will describe what the shift in my life has really looked like. I truly hope that this article helps you in some way, or that it helps you help others in your life who have experienced sexual assault.
When I was sexually assaulted – in my case raped many times – I shut down. My fight, flight, or freeze reaction was to freeze. I disassociated and my brain really didn’t let me understand what had happened to me. It was only after I had had enough time, the space to process, and was safe that I started to come to terms with what had happened.
It is with this understanding that my world started to fall apart. I developed PTSD. My days were filled with flashbacks and fear. I would shut down and freeze again because the memories were vivid and felt like they were actually happening. My nights were filled with fear and insomnia as I lay awake terrified of the even more realistic nightmares.
Nothing felt in my control. I hadn’t been in control when I was raped. I wasn’t in control of when the flashbacks happened. I wasn’t in control of the fact that I’d shut down. I wasn’t in control of the nightmares. I certainly wasn’t in control of the fact that I could barely function in daily life with everything else that was beyond my control.
Then something clicked in me. I remembered that my psyche hadn’t always worked like this; I remembered that I was previously able to do daily activities and be happy. I decided that I could heal myself, be like I was once more, and take back control of my life.
I decided that I was the one “at the cause” of my life. I chose to become the one who drives my experience again.
It was my psyche, my emotions, my thoughts, and my actions that I wanted to change and improve. It was all me, so I could change myself.
This shift caused me to really work on myself by consciously changing my patterns and looking at how I caused myself pain. I was even looking at how I contributed to the rape by not telling myself the truth about the warning signs I saw leading up to it. This hard truth made it possible for me to learn from my past choices and actions, allowing me to make new choices in the future.
Now I was in control again! I was the one transforming myself for the better, and I learned how to keep myself safe.
Being empowered, or “at the cause” in my life is a lot of responsibility. It means that everything that happens in my life I need to take ownership of. I played some part in causing it and I determined how I reacted. It means that I am empowered to create the life I want, but it also means I can’t blame anyone else if things aren’t going how I want them to. It means I couldn’t blame my rapist for the PTSD I was experiencing, because I was the only one who could choose to let it continue or heal it. It means I couldn’t blame people or circumstances that triggered my flashbacks because I was the only one who could prevent me from having those flashbacks. Being empowered meant that I had to accept where I was, shifting myself to get to where I wanted to be.
“I was the one transforming myself for the better.”
Being empowered means I have the power to create the life I want, but also accepting responsibility for the life I have.
Accepting this responsibility and opportunity has unlocked so many doors. I have healed my PTSD over 2 short years, I have a much more joyful, fulfilling life, and I have a lot more hope for the future and the life I will create for myself.
But it took choosing to be “at the cause” and all that comes with that.
How I Became Empowered
What I found through my journey for empowerment was that therapy was not enough. Talking through and analyzing my issues did not provide any long-term healing on its own, only short-term relief. It was important to be heard, but then what?
What I found that allowed me to heal is a class called Empower Thyself:
Empower Thyself is a two-day class which teaches tools to help us be in the driver’s seat in your life. This class teaches about how we as humans create so that we can make sure we are creating what we really want in life. It teaches us how to keep ourselves centered, grounded and clear, making it much easier to navigate our lives and not be as affected by the drama and distractions around us.
This class also provides energetic support. Initiation is a physical transformation in which our energetic body (part of the physical anatomy, according to this tradition) is expanded to hold 10 times the energy – literally more power. This expansion of energy makes it much easier to create the life we want, with more energy to put into that creation. It makes it much easier to live an empowered life.
Murielle Tugendhaft specializes in helping others have more joy and happiness in their lives. She does this by using activations, energy healings, clearings as well as offering classes and meditations from the Lineage of King Salomon. Her hope is to assist others in true transformation, so that they may live their ideal life.
“Murielle has a special joy filled fairy-like energy that is a joy to be around. Murielle’s wonderful healing energy was exactly what I needed at the time. I highly recommend working with Murielle if you want to enjoy being engulfed in joyous wondrous light. She is a gift.”