“The wound is where the light enters you.”  -Rumi

Revealing the Child

The Divine Child is our natural state at birth. We are born as clear and true vessels; however, we then experience the impact of life’s hardships and challenges and our true self becomes distorted.  The Child acquires wounds.  Depending on early experiences like physical abuse, extreme criticism, emotional neglect, or even simply the modeling of a parent with an unacknowledged child-self – from any of these we begin to deny this inner aspect.  According to Whitfield, in an un-nurtured or denied freedom of expression, the inner child forms a false-self, victimhood, and various manifestations of co-dependency.  Unresolved issues of the inner child are what are known as “core issues”.  Core issues of the inner child often express as difficulties in resolving emotional trauma.  And the accumulation of unresolved trauma or what may be called “attachment disorders” lead directly to symptoms like anxiety and depression, particularly if they are reoccurring and difficult to resolve.

Some of the most brilliant 20th-century minds in human psychology such as Carl Jung, Emmet Fox, Alice Miller, and Donald Winnicott coined the terms “Child Within”, “the Divine Child”, “Wonder Child”, or “True Self”.  In popular psychology, the inner child aspect of the Self is all that we learned and experienced as children, primarily before puberty.  These are the origins of much of our mental and emotional patterning carried into adulthood.  Essentially, the inner child is our childlike aspects of playfulness and joy and ease in the expression of what we feel.  According to Charles Whitfield, author of Healing the Child Within, the Child is alive, energetic, creative, and fulfilled in the present moment.  According to Whitfield, this concept has existed in the world for at least 2000 years.  The Mystery School tradition of Kabbalah has held knowledge of the “Divine Child” or “Golden Child” archetype from even more ancient times.

Inner Work, a Relevant and Ethical Imperative

Before opening the door to the room of the inner child, I feel it important to address the topic of inner versus outer work in the greater context of effecting change in our lives and in the world.  In our consumption of popular culture and mass media, we set our focus on what often feels like an external world without agency.  This world is filled with corruption in corporate America, Trump’s Tweets and missteps in international relations, elections and voter fraud, news on the hottest years in recorded history with record-breaking temperatures and droughts, hurricanes and wildfires and widespread states of emergency, the dramedy of Democrats versus Republicans, and the latest on Hollywood celebrities.

Knowledge of the world is important; however, over-emphasizing our attention on the externalities of the world is an imbalanced state.  Particularly for those of us who are empathic and a highly sensitive person (HSP), consuming worldly information can be an edgy, de-stabilizing diet.  It’s easy to become imbalanced with it, get turned-off, and disengage from active and positive participation.  For some, focusing externally fuels the flames of the ego’s desires for entertainment or distraction while keeping us a safe distance from being at cause of any real change.

Where are we using our external focus as a means of distraction or avoidance of what’s going on in our internal worlds and where is it just a healthy dose?  What ratio of our time is spent in quiet reflection, solitude, or meditation versus social interaction and media consumption?  Especially now, at this time of the most web-based, social media savvy, and cyber-connected global society – with all the good things that do come from that – many of us are on significant external information overload, if not overdosing.  For the majority of us, the focus is far out of balance.  Some level of focus on worldly, social, external events and conditions is necessary and good.  It means we care.  But an over-emphasized focus in the world can also be how we resist resolving our deepest wounds – what is referred to as our “core issues”.

As a student of ancient wisdom and Universal law – there is a saying, “As above, so below, as within, so without, as the Universe, so the Soul”.  From this ancient truth, the state of the world we are experiencing today is a mirrored reflection of the human soul – the collective and the individual.  Our bodies are literally water-based, electric conduits of thought and emotion flowing into the world around us from either chaotic or peaceful states (or levels of consciousness) at any given moment.  The truth is we all contribute.  Put another way, I impact the world around me with what I think, feel, say, and do.  And what I think, feel, say, is largely the world I experience.

The truth is we have ownership of this world on all levels.  Taking action from the realization of that truth, as one comes into it, is a great liberation.  And an even greater responsibility.

“We live in a world in which we need to share responsibility. It’s easy to say, ‘It’s not my child, not my community, not my world, not my problem.’ Then there are those who see the need and respond. I consider those people my heroes.” – Fred Rogers

We are alive in a time period of complex ethical and moral opportunities and imperatives that we all take action steps.  Actions to address some of the biggest challenges humanity has ever faced: the issues surrounding carbon footprints and climate change, widespread social injustice, and epidemics in human health.  The responsibility to take ownership of this can feel very big at times.  Sometimes I have my moments of feeling very small, scared, and unsure about how I will make a difference in this world.  I also see this is an exciting opportunity because of the progress I have made.  I can see my purpose unfurling and revealing itself to me.  As Richard Bach, author of the book Illusions said, “What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly.”

Inhabiting a balanced center is where we truly have the power to transform.  In paying more attention to the world within, real breakthroughs and opportunities for external solutions – miracles – come through us into the world with far less struggle and far greater ease and joy.  Balance between these areas of focus is a crucial step towards taking control of our lives and the situations we find ourselves in.  Each individual’s rebirthing from within, will rebirth the world we’re ready for – a world in which all of humanity lives in peace and true prosperity.  This is called The New Paradigm.

On My Path of Change

In summarizing my own story, I have always wanted to make a difference or make things better in the world.  I’ve worked for that in various ways in my career and volunteerism.  I also worked on myself with numerous forms of psychological counseling for assistance with things like recurrent clinical depression beginning in my teens until my early 30s.  These tools helped but the deeper layers resisted and remained until I began utilizing metaphysical means of healing.  I have learned that when we are ready to face a trauma, the tools, situations and opportunities, and helpers present themselves.  On a trip abroad in 2013, I experienced a spiritual awakening event that altered my life’s focus and trajectory.  This event guided me to a synchronous meeting with a Life Activation practitioner and healer of the Modern Mystery School tradition – the ancient lineage of King Solomon in its modern-day form.  I was ready to explore a new approach to work “to make things better” by receiving a Life Activation, and in 2014 I entered into one of the oldest, most beautiful, rights-of-passage traditions on the planet today – initiation into the western esoteric mysteries and my now passion-filled work with Universal Kabbalah.

This tradition is designed to generate knowledge of all aspects of the Self and Universe with which we can then accept, transform, and integrate.  This occurs through a person’s individual, self-regulated, and guided process of awakening consciousness.  Levels of knowledge emerge from a practice of marriage between that which is handed-down and that which must be accessed within and understood through fully living and experiencing life.  Within this initiatory process I have moved and transformed through a safe, gradual, and pure path towards realizing the higher truth of who I am and my powers to create and experience beauty.  I have also come face to face with where my system is attached to trauma.

Disempowerment and co-dependence often have deep roots.  Co-dependence is a coping mechanism or strategy the wounded child may utilize (based on some type of fear or falsehood) to give away power, to play the “victim”, and have their needs met by another person.  A co-dependent relationship may even be with a substance like alcohol or marijuana that keeps this aspect of the self “muted and safe” from change.  Modern paths of healing like the 12-step program have made the topic of dependency or co-dependent patterns commonplace knowledge and helped many people into recovery from substance abuse.  However, the brain patterning and impulses to seek needs fulfillment in unhealthy relationships often remains. Co-dependent patterns keep us from supplying the real needs of the inner child by facing and sourcing these ourselves from the real person they ultimately want attention from.  Understanding co-dependency versus independence is a huge aspect true healing.  I dive more into the topic of co-dependency from an initiate and Kabbalist’s perspective in Revealing the Child, Parts 2 and 3.

As a warrior and healer of a traditional path my most radical tools are acceptance, courage, unconditional love, and forgiveness – empowered by the light I have access to as an initiate.

I am shifting from infancy into sovereignty by acknowledging and caring for all aspects of who I am.  Know that embracing this particular step of maturation is not an effortless task but it is worthwhile and there is a lot of joy to be had in the process.  Truthfully, it takes a willingness to move through and transform fear.  There must be a willingness to be uncomfortable at times.  Perseverance and endurance are needed.  And in choosing to work with and integrate all the pieces of me I can re-weave my internal patterning into more authentic joy.

By engaging both my internal and external worlds with the tools I have access to as an initiate, I am revealing how I am going to make my contribution – that “difference” I’ve always yearned for.  The difference is – I am making progress on purpose as a direct result of the shifts going on within me.  Moving into childhood trauma recovery is a crucial piece.  Gently, layer by layer this is occurring as I utilize the tools of a very pure spiritual path, modern physical-neural therapies, my guidance and intuition, and a unique blend of my own healthy, joy-creating habits.

Keys to the Path of Healing

The singular, most impactful tool always supporting me from the background is Universal Kabbalah or what is known as Mystery School Kabbalah.   Universal Kabbalah allows me to sieve truth from an empowered, whole-system place of understanding.  It is a highly effective, accelerated process of receiving ancient wisdom and gaining personal insight through direct engagement with the energies of the Tree of Life and the roots of human origins far beyond the physical.  The Tree of Life is a sacred geometric pattern.  It is the blueprint for the human being and infinitely more.

Universal Kabbalah is the quintessential, non-religious, non-dogmatic spiritual technology that works at the pace we are ready for, giving, illuminating, clarifying, and assisting us to release the roots causes and attachments that hold us back and to make the adjustments in our lives that move us into greater personal liberation and fulfillment.

There are so many – too many – of us suffering today.  Trauma, as defined by Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary, is “a disordered psychic or behavioral state resulting from severe mental or emotional stress or physical injury.”  Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) (as it has been categorized) is perhaps one of the more severe and most discussed symptoms of trauma.  Thankfully there are more and more tools to access and alleviate symptoms like this.  From my years of both experiencing debilitating depression and seeking far greater understanding than what’s available in popular culture, my perspective is that various forms of anxiety and mental illness are trauma-originated, often from something experienced early on.  Early childhood patterning is fairly well understood in modern psychology.

In large part, it’s our unconscious attachments to stored trauma and our own resistance to dealing with these pieces that proliferate the cycles of conflict we are seeing in the world and experiencing in our own bodies in the form of illness.  It is the courageous and strong amongst us who are dealing with and facing trauma today.

There also needs to be far greater understanding of how it’s treated – not just with pharmaceuticals (largely experimental at best), psychotherapy, or secular understanding of the human psyche alone.  Engaging in traditional psychological methods of coping during my periods of significant distress helped.  I believe forms of counseling and strategies like the 12-step program are needed at acute times and I’m grateful there are dedicated helpers in mental health sectors.  Moving through a cycle of mental health counseling can be a doorway to an awakening sense of self.   As an initiate, a spiritual scientist and healer, a Kabbalist, and someone who has experienced and lived with the effects of childhood trauma and mental illness, I also know that psychological treatments and mental health counseling alone often do not complete the cycle of knowledge and healing needed to break free.  In the secular search to heal with limited understanding of the Self (or understanding the Self as anything less than limitless), we may gain in relieving symptoms but we only gain so much in healing root causes.  For me, the empowerment I have needed for my Child Self to emerge has come through understanding both my human nature and my eternal nature.

In the search to be whole, I have discovered I must access all the pieces of me, including God.

To become effective in shifting my life and participating in a Shift on the planet, I need a real sense of divinity within me activated and expressing.  This must be there.  And let’s be real – the “not-so-God” or the “messy” pieces within me need attention and integration too.  Integration of every aspect is a must.  What we don’t see, we can trip over.  I have stumbled over and around a rather large piece for a while.  This is the piece of the child within me.  Sometimes she and I take face-plants directly into the mud – believe me, it can be messy and I often need to laugh good-heartedly at myself.

The Inner Child-Parent Relationship

Today, I am picking my adult- and child-Self up from the ground, dusting us off, holding her and talking to her ever so tenderly.  Particularly in working with the tools and insights I acquire through Universal Kabbalah, this little girl and I have begun to reunite.  This is a sacred, necessary relationship and a universal key to spiritual adulthood.  This inner work is a beautiful gift.  The more of us willing to do this, the faster we can all shift into resiliency, reconciliation, sustainability and peace on the planet.  All of this is linked.

The opportunity for a reunion with the inner child remains a hidden one within for as long as we neglect this relationship.  As an unacknowledged relationship, the wounded child contributes to much of the scared, manipulating, depressed, angry, frustrated, and confused states we experience in our lives. My search for healing and wholeness began with a thirst for understanding of my own situation and has evolved into deep compassion and hope for all of us.

“Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world.” – King James Bible, John 4:4

The Child aspect of the Self is as relevant today, if not more so, as it was in the 1960s when psychologists were describing it.  We are all seeking our way forward in an exciting yet very distracting and disturbing world.  This truest aspects of our Child and our souls need expression.  This inner relationship in need of cultivation with acceptance and compassion so we can know how to nurture the frequencies of resiliency needed in our marriages, our families, in our schools, workplaces, and our local and global communities.  Moving from co-dependence into spiritually independent adults is the archetypical 12-stages of The Hero’s Journey described by famous mythologist, story-teller, and author of The Power of Myth, Joseph Campbell – who was also an initiate of the King Solomon tradition.  Ultimately, no one else can do our work for us.  In this journey, we become the real superheroes, warriors, leaders, and agents of change we idolize in stories and Marvel movies.

It is neither one’s age or worldly accomplishment, but acknowledging the presence of the inner child and taking responsibility for the child’s trauma that is the most relevant, noble, and progressive road towards becoming an adult in the modern age.  Through this process, we step into sovereignty.  Inner Child work is the game-changer of our lives and our world.

Healing and Dealing with Daily Life

Coming to grips with a core wound or trauma is an everyday, incremental process.  There is all manner of therapies and self-growth training available today that may support this process.  Some work better than others and some work for us for a while until we reach a stopping place that won’t dislodge or a plateau and there is nowhere else to go.   What I and countless other initiates in history and of the Modern Mystery School today have discovered is that the lineage tools passed on to us in programs like Empower Thyself Initiation and Universal Kabbalah Ascension continuously bear fruit.  These tools assist us to move through stopping places.  In continuing the path, we continue to accelerate the growth process.  The break-throughs keep coming.  There is always more.  The downloads and guidance are clearer and clearer so long as we are willing to show up and do the work.

Amidst all that I have described and emphasized, on Monday morning I too go to a workplace.  I also focus on creating stability in steady work and pay.  And I must make space for joy-filled play  – life is not just about hard work.  The best life we can create is one of balance between inner work and living life – this is my point.  When we are ready to work with the inner child on a daily basis they have five basic needs that must be met: to be seen, to be heard, to feel safe to express, to love, and be loved.  And much of this dialogue and focus is best done in meditation and inner reflection.  Certainly, the road to creating the conditions where these are fully met is not immediate nor is it realistic to expect it to be met externally by others.  And there is no magic pill to “fix us.”  We may need adjustments but it’s vital we understand that we are not broken – we are whole and sacred beings.  The simple act of bringing awareness around a core issue is progress.  And the lineage tools I use have made this process much easier.

Ultimately, healing requires a commitment to sourcing love unconditionally throughout the process.  From me, my child-self needs both stronger boundaries in some areas of my life to protect her and the letting go of false, fear-based walls or beliefs so she feels safe to express, to be able to love and feel deeply loved.  Radical self-care in the form of proper nutrition, sleep, meditation, bodywork, exercise, etc. is also huge.  It’s no longer okay for me to commit acts of self-harm through either neglect or over-indulgence of my needs in the very particular ways in which my child-self patterned after my parents.

It is my hope that if you are seeking and reading any part of this three-part Revealing the Child series you will see an aspect of truth for yourself in what I share.  It’s my dearest wish you will choose to take action – your time is precious, carpe diem – and reach for assistance in ways that work for you on your path.  You may be ready for the higher and deeper-level transformations that come with the Mystery School initiatory path and Universal Kabbalah Ascension.  Or you may not.  Listen and pay attention to your guidance.  If you are seeking and ready for more empowered tools beyond modern psychotherapies and self-help programs, I invite you to reach out to me, my contact information is below.  I am able to support you in moving forward, you are not alone, your soul’s expression is needed in the world and I would love to hear from you.

Whoever you are and wherever you are headed, be bold in finding the tools you need to reveal and express your truest self— your divine child within.  Honor this extraordinary hero or heroine’s journey you are on by taking action to continuously progress.  If this article touched you or the topic is of interest to you, I dive deeper into childhood trauma healing and adult recovery with the next of this article series: Revealing the Child, part 2: Facing Childhood Trauma.

“As human beings, our job in life is to help people realize how rare and valuable each one of us really is, that each of us has something that no one else has–or ever will have–something inside that is unique to all time. It’s our job to encourage each other to discover that uniqueness and to provide ways of developing its expression.” From The World According to Mister Rogers

I truly believe that we are all in need of healing.

The goal of this article is to share some personal tips on how to begin that forgiveness process so we can all move forward with healthier relationships, and lighter hearts. By holding onto anger and pain, we are giving away our personal power to others or situations. This anger and pain continues to trigger our old, unhealed emotions and blocks our joy and freedom. I have spent the last 2.5 years releasing pain and trauma by walking a spiritual path guided by the teachings and healings of the Modern Mystery School. In this article, I share some of my personal best practices and thought patterns that I’ve embraced to release anger and pain from past unhealthy relationships and the path forward through forgiving.

We all come from various walks of life and different backgrounds, yet one thing that we all share is having some level of pain or trauma from childhood relationships or ones that formed later into teens and adulthood. Many people are being abused and bullied by others, and one of the most common explanations is that they too are experiencing pain and are lashing out.

It’s likely that if you’re reading this article, you already have a desire to heal. We must be willing to let go of anger and pain from our past relationship wounds for the below steps to work.

1) Everyone is healing at their own pace.

We all are walking on our own path of learning and growth. Regardless of age or background, everyone is at a different place with knowing themselves and how they’re choosing to engage with the world. Whether people have an awareness of their choice to progress is a different topic altogether.

This is a key nugget of information that I remind myself of often. In saying this, I am not condoning the actions of others that have caused pain or have been abusive in some way. It is unacceptable to cause harm or hurt one another. We can, however, give people the benefit of the doubt that they are doing their best based on the tools and experiences they have available. This has helped me not take things so personally.

Additionally, one of the 7 hermetic principle states “Every Cause has its Effect; every Effect has its Cause; everything happens according to Law.” Based on my understanding of this principle, I decided that it’s not my job to punish someone or make them suffer due to the pain they’ve caused me. What I can control is how I let their actions or behaviors affect me.  It’s within my power how I choose to treat others, especially when I experience pain or hurt. It is a great reflection of my own growth and commitment to put out the energy I want to receive back in return.

Their reality is not my reality and their opinions are not my own. Each of us experiences situations and circumstances differently based on our own filters. These filters live within the subconscious mind and are created during our developmental years through programming or beliefs instilled within us. 

This step helped me begin to shift my perspective in an empowering way.  It helped me realize that how someone else treats me has nothing to do with me, but everything to do with them. I started to have compassion for them and came to the understanding that they were probably hurting if they were lashing out in a negative way.

2)What qualities can you esteem about them?

This can be a tough step, especially if you have a hard time thinking of this person without being reminded of the pain they caused you. But this step can help you remember that they are another divine being, not some evil nemesis sent here to torture you.

For many years I tried talking about my past relationship wounds with a licensed therapist. This step I received from a therapist I was seeing years ago. After numerous conversations where I would in detail explain all the reasons why this person, who caused me so much pain, was such a terrible person.

Our therapy sessions became a time for me to replay, repeating story after story, the pain this person caused me by staying attached to the victim-perpetrator dynamic between us. My therapist once asked me, ‘well what do you like about this person?’ I remember sitting there dumbfounded for a few minutes.  

My association with them was often about all the qualities that validated why I felt they were a terrible person. But to think about what I liked about them required me to drop my guard a little and shift my perspective. Certainly, this person was well liked among other colleagues and family members. What we’re some ways I viewed this person in an esteemed manor?

Slowly, I started to make a list of qualities I admire about this person and I was shocked. From this new perspective, I started to see this person in a new light versus the character they had played in my storyline. They were more than this role I had cast them to in my life.

3) Express how you feel.

One of the hardest things to do can be sitting them down and expressing how you feel. Now please use discernment here, there may be some situations where it’s not possible for you to communicate with them or it’s not within your best interest to meet with them.

Another option is to write them a letter and then safely burn it to symbolize your readiness to let go. For situations where this person is still in your life, but you feel like there are unhealed pieces from the past, try to sit them down in a calm environment and express how you feel. Remember to make it about you and to use “I felt” or “I feel” statements.

The goal here is to release and express your emotion so you can find a resolution. It’s important that we don’t repress our emotions because this can cause continued cycles or patterns of similar relationship dynamics in the future.

This step will not be helpful if you start to get into blaming statements about what they did to you or make them responsible for your personal emotions. You may be surprised to find that they too have a unique perspective to share with you. They may also be completely oblivious and not realize that their interaction with you caused you so much pain.

Regardless of the outcome or how they respond to your conversation, the goal is to get it off your chest and let it out so you can free yourself from the emotional weight of holding on. This step also helps us to take an empowered approach to our healing versus staying stuck a victim mentality by latching onto the story of what they did to you. As I have healed my personal past relationship wounds, the way I saw the person and interacted with them shifted as well.

Freedom is ahead.

The journey to healing our past relationship wounds is going to be unique for each person but my desire is that the above steps can provide some guidance or a different perspective for you.

One piece to keep in mind during this entire process is that you’re working through this for you, not for someone else. This is about you and your healing and being able to move forward in life.

One of the benefits I’ve found with studying with the Modern Mystery School is the initiation process helped me start healing at an accelerated rate. The lineage tools and the adept initiation helped me release emotional baggage I had been subconsciously carrying for years, recreating cyclical patterns in my life.

As I raised my vibration to one of more joy and forgiveness, I gained a whole new perspective on relationships that had been challenging for me in the past. This lifetime is such a gift where we are meant to learn and grow from our experiences, not stay stuck in a place of pain or suffering.

To talk more about healing past wounds and beginning your own transformation, contact me.

We all deserve to be happy and joyful. We all deserve lives we want to live. From the bottom of my heart I truly want to help others who are struggling with depression and being suicidal. I’ve been there, I want to help. You deserve more.

My Recent Struggle

Recently, I was reminded of how tough it is to be suicidal. I was under enough stress that I started having suicidal thoughts (again) and it had been several years since I had felt that way.

It was interesting to re-experience that place because I could better understand how others in a similar place might feel and I was able to more clearly remember how I made it through the first time. With this clearer understanding and remembrance, I felt I could now share the tools that got me through it to others, to help them make it through as well.

What I experienced was no real change to how my life looked on the outside, but I was utterly depressed and in pain. When I woke up in the morning, I was overwhelmed by a feeling of sadness that I was alive. I spent close to an hour just crying in the morning because I was awake and alive.

I reached out to get the needed help and I am back to loving life more than ever. But, this experience reminded me of what it was like to be suicidal and how I coped and then healed the first time. I want to share what I’ve learned in hopes that this helps others who are in a similar position.

My Fight with Depression and being Suicidal

Starting at around age 12 and going until I was about 21 I was plagued with depression. No matter how hard I tried, or how much I wanted to be happy, I never could find sustained happiness, only fleeting moments here and there. During this time I was keenly aware that dying would end the pain, although I also knew that wouldn’t get me what I truly wanted – happiness.

What I finally was able to discover is, the root cause of my depression was tied to a lack of acceptance I experienced from the world around me. I had enough people close to me in my life that told me I wasn’t good enough or wasn’t doing things right. I internalized that and believed them that I wasn’t good enough as I was. This drove me to have no self love.

Love is essential to being happy, and with no self love, I wasn’t even able to receive the love offered to me by others.

But, what carried me through the really hard times was the hope and knowledge that life has more to offer than what I was experiencing.

Believe me, I understand the feeling of “this isn’t ever going to end”. I dealt with eight years of ongoing depression. It felt like every time I was able to crawl out, it was only a matter of time before I fell back into the bottomless pit of despair and pain. But I knew I could change it, and I was determined to do so.

So, here is how you can get through being suicidal to be able to live a happier life:

1. Have hope –  Pray

Having hope that life can get better is key. A huge help to me was praying to God at night. I felt comforted by that connection and it sustained my hope by knowing there was someone out there to support me and that my desire for happiness was being heard. This gave me hope that one day my depression would get better and I’d be happy.

Now, not everyone feels comfortable praying to God or they don’t believe in God and that is okay! You can also pray, or talk to, your Higher Self. Your Higher Self is the part of you that is beyond the physical and gives you guidance. You can also speak to the Universe and ask it to help you, as everything comes from and is a part of the Universe.

2. Never give up

One of the best things you can do is keep trying new ways to find happiness. Never give up on trying to do that! When you keep trying new activities, ways of living your life, techniques for healing, etc. you have a better chance of succeeding and finding that happiness!

3. Be kinder to yourself

A lot of times by focusing on your mistakes and by being hard on yourself, that will make you feel depressed and not good enough. So be kind to yourself, realize that everyone makes mistakes. Focus on what you did well, your wins and what you can learn from the times when you do make mistakes.

4. Find people who accept you

Depression and being suicidal can be caused by and fueled by a sense of loneliness, by finding people who truly accept and love you as you are, you can counteract this feeling. You can try to find these people by joining groups focused on a topic or hobby you enjoy, or you can strengthen existing relationships that you already have.

5. Cultivate your own self-love

Tell yourself all the reasons why you love yourself. Each day come up with three to ten aspects of yourself that you love and write them down.

6. Find what you are passionate about

Being apathetic, not caring, is central to depression. If you can find something that you are passionate about, that ignites your desire to act and do, you will have something worth following! With depression it can be hard to get out of bed in the morning, to get ready, or to leave the house, give yourself something you are excited about so that getting ready isn’t so bad.

Taking this a step further, when you’re suicidal, having something you are truly passionate about makes life worth living and gives you a reason to push through the tough times. Especially if this passion is focused on helping others on some way, you can take the focus off of yourself and feel the need to push through to help others.

7. Fill your life with positivity

This can take many forms! Maybe it means writing positive messages on sticky notes around your house that make you smile or feel motivated. Maybe it means creating an environment in your home that makes you feel relaxed. Maybe it means getting a pet to show you love. Maybe it even means trying to actively change your thoughts from a negative perspective to a positive one. Keep trying to bring in new ways to make your life and days feel more positive!

8. Work on healing the underlying cause

There is a cause for depression and by addressing that cause you can more easily shift and heal depression, returning to a life filled with happiness and joy. The most effective tools I’ve found for healing depression and stopping suicidal thoughts are found in the Lineage of King Salomon which is offered to the public by the Modern Mystery School.

Immediately after receiving my second step initiation and about three months after receiving my first initiation, I was able to stop taking anti-depressant pills because I was simply much less depressed and much happier. This is because these initiations help empower you to create the life you want, and strengthen your connection to spirit. This connection and empowerment, helped me to quickly shift my life.

I now felt aware of my purpose – what I’m here to do this life. Passion for that was sparked and with the increased empowerment, the trials of everyday life did not negatively affect me in the same way anymore. I had modalities and tools to raise my energy and to meet life instead of hiding from it. This was just the start of the healing process that led to the general resolution of depression which had plagued me for a third of my life, and this shift happened extremely quickly for me.

“This was just the start of the healing process that led to the general resolution of depression which had plagued me for a third of my life, and this shift happened extremely quickly for me.”

The Key to Fully Healing

With the help of Universal Kabbalah, I was able to address the ingrained patterns and childhood traumas that had caused my depression and suicidal thoughts. Using Kabbalah I was able to shift these patterns and heal this childhood wounding. This is the key tool I used for healing the core underlying causes of depression in my life and instead created a life filled with joy.

So more recently, when I had suicidal thoughts reemerge after being under extreme stress, I immediately went to the Modern Mystery School sessions and received two different energy sessions to help me return to my natural state.

The day of the second session, I experienced starting my morning upset that I was awake and absolutely hating my job. After receiving the session the next morning I woke up extremely excited to start my day, walking into work thinking “Good Lord I love my job,” and “I love my life.” The change was so quick and drastic, but that is because our true spirit selves are already happy. They are connected to all the love and joy, all we need to do is shift ourselves to be able to receive that.

“The change was so quick and drastic, but that is because our true spirit selves are already happy.”

When parts of our energy body are out of balance or if there are blockages that prevent us from connecting with spirit, this can manifest in depression and being suicidal. I’ve found the most effective tools to be working with address these core causes. There are not many mainstream methods of working with your energy in this way, which is one important reason for working with the Modern Mystery School can help so much.

I used therapy for years and although it helped me cope, no matter how much I tried to logically understand the root causes of my depression and suicidal tendencies, I could never shift myself to heal. I simply couldn’t. I knew I needed to be kinder to myself, to have more self-love, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t do it.

With metaphysical tools found in the Lineage of King Salomon and the Modern Mystery School, shifting myself and my patterns wasn’t impossible, it was actually something that occurred naturally as a result of shifting my energetic body and unlocking access to love and the light.

Where to Start…

A great place to start is with the Life Activation which strengthens your connection to spirit, balances energetic structures, and increases positivity in your life.

After the Life Activation, you can do the Fire Soul Infusion and Activation which opens gates to the soul and ignites a fire in your life, increasing passion and creativity. This Activation greatly helps in reducing apathy and depression.

Empower Thyself class and initiation is also really great to do, as you get tools and teachings for how to be successful in the physical, how to elevate your energy, and empowering you to create and live the life you want.

If you are suicidal or depressed, I truly hope you use the methods described above and find a way to reconnect with your spirit and the infinite joy that is available to you. If you want help and support, please reach out to me, my contact information is at the bottom of this article.

Personal Growth & Healing through Awakening, Evolving, and Expanding

The Journey and The Path - Beth Siragusa

The Seeker Awakens

“You have been chosen, and you must use such strength and heart and wits as you have.” – J.R.R. Tolkein

In my personal experience, I have found that there is the journey and then there is the path. I started writing this article which I quickly found impossible to produce without sharing the struggles and triumphs of my personal story. So, I ask you to journey with me through the lens of my experiences of life and self-discovery. No journey is complete without intrigue, challenges and hidden treasure along the way, so let’s go!

“The key to growth is the introduction of higher dimensions of consciousness into our awareness.” – Lao Tzu

The day my life changed forever, I was living in Beaumont, Texas, which was a mere 10 miles from the small town where I grew up. (I’ve shed my Southern accent and so much more since those days, but I digress…) It was spring of 2007 and a friend called me and asked if I had seen the movie “The Secret”.  I hadn’t even heard of it. She had watched it a few days earlier and “something keeps telling me to watch it again with you. I know that probably sounds weird but it’s a really good movie”. “Sure, why not.” As I watched, I felt time warp and shift and the foundation of my life to that point crumble beneath my feet. Oh wow, wow. I know Oprah talks about “Aha moments” but this was intense. Little did I know the Law of Attraction was about to put my life in the spin cycle. Since that moment I’ve looked at this point in my life as my spiritual awakening. It opened in me an insatiable curiosity about the nature of reality and who and what I really am.

“When we love, we see the infinite in the finite. We find the Creator in the creation.” – Eliphas Levi

A New Direction

Over the next few years, I would dig in and teach myself to meditate and to read tarot. I would sit for hours pondering over

The Journey and The Path - Beth Siragusa

Eastern philosophy and Buddhism, the Sikhs and galactic beings, wondering if we are really alone in the galaxy? I sought out metaphysical teachings, readings, and explored raising my kundalini energy. Searched the far corners of the internet and found some awesome as well as highly suspect materials, but I devoured them all. The impulse to search and to know was huge. I chanted mantras, tried to unlock my psychic gifts, learned about Reiki, astrology, totem animals, auras and crystals. I explored my past lives, did telepathic experiments with friends, found the Goddess, spent hours on vision boards, started yoga, delved into Mayan prophecy and generally tried every kind of New Age thing I could get my hands on. I wanted to get to the bottom of the burning questions… How can I have everything I desire and still grow? Is suffering necessary? Are past lives real? Should I eat meat? What is karma? Who am I? What is my purpose? Why the heck do I exist? What is this really all about anyway?

Part of my journey to finding my true path involved a trip to Seattle, WA to see Abraham Hicks live. The Abraham material came into my life at a very crucial part of my awakening and helped to open me up to the next stage of my spiritual evolution.  I was ecstatic to be in the presence of someone who was in the very movie that started my spiritual awakening explosion. And I was intrigued to see this ‘channeling’ thing in action. What I found was mostly great and I felt like I was in the presence of wisdom. One of the best things about this experience was that I felt comfort beyond measure knowing I was among other seekers like myself, who really wanted to know and were open to exploring creative answers to create the best life for ourselves and others, and I could meet hundreds of them at once and talk about all kinds of things! Yet, after all the excitement of the experience wore off, I knew in the core of my being that this was really good stuff, but that there was much much more.

I recalled noticing when Abraham paused for just a second too long, and I simply knew like I knew, like I knew that they couldn’t say certain things. That not everyone in the room was ready for more, or for what that more meant. I wanted to know those things in the pauses. The questions I had about the space in-between were driving me from within and I wanted to know the still deeper answers to the questions of life. It felt almost like a biological imperative from within the core of my body and being.

“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of it’s dream.” – Paulo Coelho

Leaping Forward with Eyes Open

Fast forward a few more years to 2010 and I quit my cushy well-paid office job in Houston, sold my car, sold most of my things and threw the rest into a U-haul (half of which were my books!) and made the cross-country journey to Seattle, WA to start the next phase of my life. What prompted this radical shift? I had received guidance in a deep meditation to make this move, and it was obvious that to me there was something BIG on the horizon, but I had no idea what. The feeling behind this vision was unquestionable. I had to go. I just had to trust and take the leap. So I jumped…

“We will not find the inner strength to evolve to a higher level if we do not inwardly develop this profound feeling that there is something higher than ourselves.” – Rudolf Steiner

My first year in Seattle was the hardest year of my life to that point. I didn’t know anyone and I made some friends, but it was slow going. I was working a minimum wage job and I had pretty much given up hope while questioning every decision I’d ever made, doubting my intuition, suspicious of everything I’d been learning about… and then something happened. I met someone who introduced me to the Modern Mystery School. I knew in that moment that I had found what my soul journey was leading me towards. I had found an ancient school of the arts and science of metaphysics that had answers and, more importantly, tools that worked to transform the negativity of my life into positivity, and to help me discover my unique life purpose and start living it! I had found my path and my life journey took on a whole new meaning beyond what I could have imagined. I went from seeker to finder, from lost to found, from limited to limitless. One big sign that you have found a true path is that there is no end to it, and that it uplifts and supports your unique life purpose. I found my life purpose and a path upon which to walk towards it swiftly and in a straight line instead of meandering through different systems of thought and confusion in the upheaval of paradoxes and divisions.

Finding Requires Evolution

“One of the best definitions which I have come across is that which defines evolution as the unfolding of a continually increasing power to respond.” – Alice A. Bailey

The Journey and The Path - Beth SiragusaA few years into my study I began to realize that as I evolved, new and higher energy tools became available to me. In order to ascend, we must let go of one rung of the ladder and reach up to the next rung. I learned I couldn’t be attached to any specific tool, way of thinking, healing modality, ritual, prayer or meditation in order to get to the next level. A crucial part of reaching to that next rung on the ladder of our personal evolution is to empty ourselves of what we think we know. To release our attachments so that we become an empty vessel, open to receive new knowledge and understanding. All of those experiences on our journey that lead us up to the point of stepping onto our true path are incredibly valuable, and we must also be unattached to them once we are on the next rung of the ladder, else we hold ourselves back. It’s so important to acknowledge these experiences and honor them by letting them go so that we can become something greater.

“The empty vessel makes the loudest sound.” – Shakespeare

Letting Go is an Act of Love and Faith

In my journey from seeking to finding, I found myself letting go of what most people would say was a pretty good life. I had a job that paid well, family nearby, good friends, a boyfriend that was really there for me. Yet, when it came down to it I had to sacrifice these things to find my own soul, to become who I really am. What I’ve come to understand is that these things in my life that I had to let go of were calling out to be transformed so that I could evolve. However you come by the sacrifices along your journey, just know that nothing truly great was ever attained without sacrificing what wasn’t really working to gain your highest and best good. A key is to simply be willing to make the sacrifice, to let go of your negative ego bullshit, to release those shadows that are stopping you, to say sayonara to the fears. The willingness to reach that next rung means you have faith in yourself that you can grab on and pull yourself up a little higher and see things from a new perspective a little clearer.

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.” – Joseph Campbell

From me to you, the seeker and finder on your unique journey, I truly respect you and I honor you. What you are yearning and asking for, where you choose to dive into the parts of yourself that are amazing that you’ve been hiding away and also the parts that need refinement – I know that takes so much courage, resiliency and heart! My covenant with you is that I will always be ready to listen. I will make available the tools for true transcendence and transformation. I will spend time with you so you know you aren’t alone. I know what it feels like to think that no one else can relate, and on the flip side I know the true joy of finding my pure path where I can be all of who I am, including a tribe to share my gifts with and learn together. What I ask of you is that no matter what your experiences in life to this point, that you consider approaching life with your cup emptied, your heart open as much as possible, ready to receive and use what you are given so you may taste the sweet fruits of a more awakened life for yourself.

Say not, ‘I have found the truth,’ but rather, ‘I have found a truth.’ – Kahlil Gibran

Learning through Expansion

“In these days of the shattering of the old form and the building of the new, adaptability is needed. We must avert the danger of crystallisation through pliability and expansion. The “old order changeth,” but primarily it is a change of dimension and of aspect, and not of material or of foundation.” ― Alice A. Bailey

The Journey and The Path - Beth SiragusaI found answers to the questions I was seeking, and then I found the deeper aspects of those questions! I kept asking and the Universe responded. The shattering of the old forms in my life was part of the process that had to occur for my life to expand. There is layer upon layer to this reality, rung upon rung on the ladder of self-discovery and knowledge of life and the Universe. And part of the journey is that you have learned to expand and “rise above it”. You are going to put people on pedestals and as you grow, at some point, those pedestals will come crashing down and you know what? You will still have to find a way to rise above it all and continue your journey to find and walk your path. This is true alchemy, true transformation. It changes us into strong, capable, incredible beings.

“Imagine all the people living life in peace. You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I hope someday you’ll join us and the world will live as one.” – John Lennon

Initiated into the Ancient Mysteries

How do we rise above when thoughts and emotions that arise on our journey threaten to knock us off our path? By learning and working with a foundation of essentials!

Finding the Mystery School was a huge leg-up in my life. No longer did I have to put all the pieces together by myself. No longer was I alone in my journey. Laid out before me was a path of progression through the wisdom teachings of the entire world! Proven methods and tried and true ways of creating a beautiful life used by some of the most influential figures in history from Socrates to Leonardo DaVinci to Nikola Tesla to Albert Einstein, all initiated into this Mystery School. In all my seeking I had never encountered such an elegant system and I set forth to learn so that I could share with others. In the Empower Thyself class & Initiation, I hand down tools, techniques, specific meditations and teachings to set sacred space, dispel negative thoughts, and call upon supportive positive energies for your protection and benefit. These essential tools allow you to instantly shift your energy to a higher vibration and literally rise above and keep going, keep expanding! Being initiated into the Mystery School lineage of King Salomon is about being your own guru, your own King or Queen, through embracing the process of  “Know Thyself” and uncovering and engaging in your unique life purpose that only you can bring to the world.

“Initiation, or the process of undergoing an expansion of consciousness, is part of the normal process of evolutionary development, viewed on a large scale, and not from the standpoint of the individual.”  ― Alice A. Bailey

The Alchemy of Self-Mastery

Your path is something you will keep being called to again and again anytime your life journey takes you a little off course. Find yourself wandering around in the weeds? There will likely be a wake-up call before too long! One hallmark of a true path is the call to a service of others as well as yourself. After my initiation in the Empower Thyself class, I became eligible to attend Healer’s Academy to learn the technique of the Life Activation. This activation opens and awakens the spiritual DNA in someone, allowing for rapid expansion and growth. I also received the 2nd step initiation which is about moving into serving others and allowed me to begin to step outside of yourself and gain insights into a larger part of my life purpose.

“An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

An authentic path has the potential to reconcile all systems and to resolve paradox, discord and confusion. Contained within the Mystery School path is the Universal Kabbalah, the system of creation which contains all systems of creation. There is nothing in your journey thus far that will not fit into the Universal Kabbalah. Thousands of people have studied this form of Kabbalah in which everything is found and everything may be resolved within it. Whatever background, race, nationality, heritage, genetics, socioeconomics, etc. you come from, whatever you have studied before, whatever your life purpose, whatever you are called to do, be and become – all can be found within Universal Kabbalah. It is the ultimate tool of the Mystery School path and an incredibly powerful system to use to consciously heal and recreate your life.

“Healing does not come through intense affirmation of divinity, or by simply pouring out love and the expression of a vague mysticism. It comes through mastering an exact science of contact, impression, of invocation plus an understanding of the subtle apparatus of the etheric vehicle.” – Alice A. Bailey

All of the great thinkers, philosophers, inventors, movers and shakers throughout history have said it in one way or another: Follow the journey of your heart, find your path, transform yourself, and you ultimately create your destination as well as your destiny. I say that you have the ability to do this and so much more.

This is Your Time to Shine

We are living in an unprecedented time on the planet where there has never been such a call to wake up, to seek, to find, and to live out the best versions of our ever-evolving selves. I look at my life today and am overwhelmed with gratitude for my journey and for the path that I am on. I am so thankful for all of the people who committed themselves to the process of becoming who they truly are, those Lights that shine on the horizon of human consciousness as beacons of what is possible in our human potential. And I count myself incredibly blessed to continue evolving as one of these Lights that I may shine hope to others.

With you in love, peace, freedom, and connection through the heart,

Beth <3