“The wound is where the light enters you.”  -Rumi

Revealing the Child

The Divine Child is our natural state at birth. We are born as clear and true vessels; however, we then experience the impact of life’s hardships and challenges and our true self becomes distorted.  The Child acquires wounds.  Depending on early experiences like physical abuse, extreme criticism, emotional neglect, or even simply the modeling of a parent with an unacknowledged child-self – from any of these we begin to deny this inner aspect.  According to Whitfield, in an un-nurtured or denied freedom of expression, the inner child forms a false-self, victimhood, and various manifestations of co-dependency.  Unresolved issues of the inner child are what are known as “core issues”.  Core issues of the inner child often express as difficulties in resolving emotional trauma.  And the accumulation of unresolved trauma or what may be called “attachment disorders” lead directly to symptoms like anxiety and depression, particularly if they are reoccurring and difficult to resolve.

Some of the most brilliant 20th-century minds in human psychology such as Carl Jung, Emmet Fox, Alice Miller, and Donald Winnicott coined the terms “Child Within”, “the Divine Child”, “Wonder Child”, or “True Self”.  In popular psychology, the inner child aspect of the Self is all that we learned and experienced as children, primarily before puberty.  These are the origins of much of our mental and emotional patterning carried into adulthood.  Essentially, the inner child is our childlike aspects of playfulness and joy and ease in the expression of what we feel.  According to Charles Whitfield, author of Healing the Child Within, the Child is alive, energetic, creative, and fulfilled in the present moment.  According to Whitfield, this concept has existed in the world for at least 2000 years.  The Mystery School tradition of Kabbalah has held knowledge of the “Divine Child” or “Golden Child” archetype from even more ancient times.

Inner Work, a Relevant and Ethical Imperative

Before opening the door to the room of the inner child, I feel it important to address the topic of inner versus outer work in the greater context of effecting change in our lives and in the world.  In our consumption of popular culture and mass media, we set our focus on what often feels like an external world without agency.  This world is filled with corruption in corporate America, Trump’s Tweets and missteps in international relations, elections and voter fraud, news on the hottest years in recorded history with record-breaking temperatures and droughts, hurricanes and wildfires and widespread states of emergency, the dramedy of Democrats versus Republicans, and the latest on Hollywood celebrities.

Knowledge of the world is important; however, over-emphasizing our attention on the externalities of the world is an imbalanced state.  Particularly for those of us who are empathic and a highly sensitive person (HSP), consuming worldly information can be an edgy, de-stabilizing diet.  It’s easy to become imbalanced with it, get turned-off, and disengage from active and positive participation.  For some, focusing externally fuels the flames of the ego’s desires for entertainment or distraction while keeping us a safe distance from being at cause of any real change.

Where are we using our external focus as a means of distraction or avoidance of what’s going on in our internal worlds and where is it just a healthy dose?  What ratio of our time is spent in quiet reflection, solitude, or meditation versus social interaction and media consumption?  Especially now, at this time of the most web-based, social media savvy, and cyber-connected global society – with all the good things that do come from that – many of us are on significant external information overload, if not overdosing.  For the majority of us, the focus is far out of balance.  Some level of focus on worldly, social, external events and conditions is necessary and good.  It means we care.  But an over-emphasized focus in the world can also be how we resist resolving our deepest wounds – what is referred to as our “core issues”.

As a student of ancient wisdom and Universal law – there is a saying, “As above, so below, as within, so without, as the Universe, so the Soul”.  From this ancient truth, the state of the world we are experiencing today is a mirrored reflection of the human soul – the collective and the individual.  Our bodies are literally water-based, electric conduits of thought and emotion flowing into the world around us from either chaotic or peaceful states (or levels of consciousness) at any given moment.  The truth is we all contribute.  Put another way, I impact the world around me with what I think, feel, say, and do.  And what I think, feel, say, is largely the world I experience.

The truth is we have ownership of this world on all levels.  Taking action from the realization of that truth, as one comes into it, is a great liberation.  And an even greater responsibility.

“We live in a world in which we need to share responsibility. It’s easy to say, ‘It’s not my child, not my community, not my world, not my problem.’ Then there are those who see the need and respond. I consider those people my heroes.” – Fred Rogers

We are alive in a time period of complex ethical and moral opportunities and imperatives that we all take action steps.  Actions to address some of the biggest challenges humanity has ever faced: the issues surrounding carbon footprints and climate change, widespread social injustice, and epidemics in human health.  The responsibility to take ownership of this can feel very big at times.  Sometimes I have my moments of feeling very small, scared, and unsure about how I will make a difference in this world.  I also see this is an exciting opportunity because of the progress I have made.  I can see my purpose unfurling and revealing itself to me.  As Richard Bach, author of the book Illusions said, “What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly.”

Inhabiting a balanced center is where we truly have the power to transform.  In paying more attention to the world within, real breakthroughs and opportunities for external solutions – miracles – come through us into the world with far less struggle and far greater ease and joy.  Balance between these areas of focus is a crucial step towards taking control of our lives and the situations we find ourselves in.  Each individual’s rebirthing from within, will rebirth the world we’re ready for – a world in which all of humanity lives in peace and true prosperity.  This is called The New Paradigm.

On My Path of Change

In summarizing my own story, I have always wanted to make a difference or make things better in the world.  I’ve worked for that in various ways in my career and volunteerism.  I also worked on myself with numerous forms of psychological counseling for assistance with things like recurrent clinical depression beginning in my teens until my early 30s.  These tools helped but the deeper layers resisted and remained until I began utilizing metaphysical means of healing.  I have learned that when we are ready to face a trauma, the tools, situations and opportunities, and helpers present themselves.  On a trip abroad in 2013, I experienced a spiritual awakening event that altered my life’s focus and trajectory.  This event guided me to a synchronous meeting with a Life Activation practitioner and healer of the Modern Mystery School tradition – the ancient lineage of King Solomon in its modern-day form.  I was ready to explore a new approach to work “to make things better” by receiving a Life Activation, and in 2014 I entered into one of the oldest, most beautiful, rights-of-passage traditions on the planet today – initiation into the western esoteric mysteries and my now passion-filled work with Universal Kabbalah.

This tradition is designed to generate knowledge of all aspects of the Self and Universe with which we can then accept, transform, and integrate.  This occurs through a person’s individual, self-regulated, and guided process of awakening consciousness.  Levels of knowledge emerge from a practice of marriage between that which is handed-down and that which must be accessed within and understood through fully living and experiencing life.  Within this initiatory process I have moved and transformed through a safe, gradual, and pure path towards realizing the higher truth of who I am and my powers to create and experience beauty.  I have also come face to face with where my system is attached to trauma.

Disempowerment and co-dependence often have deep roots.  Co-dependence is a coping mechanism or strategy the wounded child may utilize (based on some type of fear or falsehood) to give away power, to play the “victim”, and have their needs met by another person.  A co-dependent relationship may even be with a substance like alcohol or marijuana that keeps this aspect of the self “muted and safe” from change.  Modern paths of healing like the 12-step program have made the topic of dependency or co-dependent patterns commonplace knowledge and helped many people into recovery from substance abuse.  However, the brain patterning and impulses to seek needs fulfillment in unhealthy relationships often remains. Co-dependent patterns keep us from supplying the real needs of the inner child by facing and sourcing these ourselves from the real person they ultimately want attention from.  Understanding co-dependency versus independence is a huge aspect true healing.  I dive more into the topic of co-dependency from an initiate and Kabbalist’s perspective in Revealing the Child, Parts 2 and 3.

As a warrior and healer of a traditional path my most radical tools are acceptance, courage, unconditional love, and forgiveness – empowered by the light I have access to as an initiate.

I am shifting from infancy into sovereignty by acknowledging and caring for all aspects of who I am.  Know that embracing this particular step of maturation is not an effortless task but it is worthwhile and there is a lot of joy to be had in the process.  Truthfully, it takes a willingness to move through and transform fear.  There must be a willingness to be uncomfortable at times.  Perseverance and endurance are needed.  And in choosing to work with and integrate all the pieces of me I can re-weave my internal patterning into more authentic joy.

By engaging both my internal and external worlds with the tools I have access to as an initiate, I am revealing how I am going to make my contribution – that “difference” I’ve always yearned for.  The difference is – I am making progress on purpose as a direct result of the shifts going on within me.  Moving into childhood trauma recovery is a crucial piece.  Gently, layer by layer this is occurring as I utilize the tools of a very pure spiritual path, modern physical-neural therapies, my guidance and intuition, and a unique blend of my own healthy, joy-creating habits.

Keys to the Path of Healing

The singular, most impactful tool always supporting me from the background is Universal Kabbalah or what is known as Mystery School Kabbalah.   Universal Kabbalah allows me to sieve truth from an empowered, whole-system place of understanding.  It is a highly effective, accelerated process of receiving ancient wisdom and gaining personal insight through direct engagement with the energies of the Tree of Life and the roots of human origins far beyond the physical.  The Tree of Life is a sacred geometric pattern.  It is the blueprint for the human being and infinitely more.

Universal Kabbalah is the quintessential, non-religious, non-dogmatic spiritual technology that works at the pace we are ready for, giving, illuminating, clarifying, and assisting us to release the roots causes and attachments that hold us back and to make the adjustments in our lives that move us into greater personal liberation and fulfillment.

There are so many – too many – of us suffering today.  Trauma, as defined by Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary, is “a disordered psychic or behavioral state resulting from severe mental or emotional stress or physical injury.”  Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) (as it has been categorized) is perhaps one of the more severe and most discussed symptoms of trauma.  Thankfully there are more and more tools to access and alleviate symptoms like this.  From my years of both experiencing debilitating depression and seeking far greater understanding than what’s available in popular culture, my perspective is that various forms of anxiety and mental illness are trauma-originated, often from something experienced early on.  Early childhood patterning is fairly well understood in modern psychology.

In large part, it’s our unconscious attachments to stored trauma and our own resistance to dealing with these pieces that proliferate the cycles of conflict we are seeing in the world and experiencing in our own bodies in the form of illness.  It is the courageous and strong amongst us who are dealing with and facing trauma today.

There also needs to be far greater understanding of how it’s treated – not just with pharmaceuticals (largely experimental at best), psychotherapy, or secular understanding of the human psyche alone.  Engaging in traditional psychological methods of coping during my periods of significant distress helped.  I believe forms of counseling and strategies like the 12-step program are needed at acute times and I’m grateful there are dedicated helpers in mental health sectors.  Moving through a cycle of mental health counseling can be a doorway to an awakening sense of self.   As an initiate, a spiritual scientist and healer, a Kabbalist, and someone who has experienced and lived with the effects of childhood trauma and mental illness, I also know that psychological treatments and mental health counseling alone often do not complete the cycle of knowledge and healing needed to break free.  In the secular search to heal with limited understanding of the Self (or understanding the Self as anything less than limitless), we may gain in relieving symptoms but we only gain so much in healing root causes.  For me, the empowerment I have needed for my Child Self to emerge has come through understanding both my human nature and my eternal nature.

In the search to be whole, I have discovered I must access all the pieces of me, including God.

To become effective in shifting my life and participating in a Shift on the planet, I need a real sense of divinity within me activated and expressing.  This must be there.  And let’s be real – the “not-so-God” or the “messy” pieces within me need attention and integration too.  Integration of every aspect is a must.  What we don’t see, we can trip over.  I have stumbled over and around a rather large piece for a while.  This is the piece of the child within me.  Sometimes she and I take face-plants directly into the mud – believe me, it can be messy and I often need to laugh good-heartedly at myself.

The Inner Child-Parent Relationship

Today, I am picking my adult- and child-Self up from the ground, dusting us off, holding her and talking to her ever so tenderly.  Particularly in working with the tools and insights I acquire through Universal Kabbalah, this little girl and I have begun to reunite.  This is a sacred, necessary relationship and a universal key to spiritual adulthood.  This inner work is a beautiful gift.  The more of us willing to do this, the faster we can all shift into resiliency, reconciliation, sustainability and peace on the planet.  All of this is linked.

The opportunity for a reunion with the inner child remains a hidden one within for as long as we neglect this relationship.  As an unacknowledged relationship, the wounded child contributes to much of the scared, manipulating, depressed, angry, frustrated, and confused states we experience in our lives. My search for healing and wholeness began with a thirst for understanding of my own situation and has evolved into deep compassion and hope for all of us.

“Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world.” – King James Bible, John 4:4

The Child aspect of the Self is as relevant today, if not more so, as it was in the 1960s when psychologists were describing it.  We are all seeking our way forward in an exciting yet very distracting and disturbing world.  This truest aspects of our Child and our souls need expression.  This inner relationship in need of cultivation with acceptance and compassion so we can know how to nurture the frequencies of resiliency needed in our marriages, our families, in our schools, workplaces, and our local and global communities.  Moving from co-dependence into spiritually independent adults is the archetypical 12-stages of The Hero’s Journey described by famous mythologist, story-teller, and author of The Power of Myth, Joseph Campbell – who was also an initiate of the King Solomon tradition.  Ultimately, no one else can do our work for us.  In this journey, we become the real superheroes, warriors, leaders, and agents of change we idolize in stories and Marvel movies.

It is neither one’s age or worldly accomplishment, but acknowledging the presence of the inner child and taking responsibility for the child’s trauma that is the most relevant, noble, and progressive road towards becoming an adult in the modern age.  Through this process, we step into sovereignty.  Inner Child work is the game-changer of our lives and our world.

Healing and Dealing with Daily Life

Coming to grips with a core wound or trauma is an everyday, incremental process.  There is all manner of therapies and self-growth training available today that may support this process.  Some work better than others and some work for us for a while until we reach a stopping place that won’t dislodge or a plateau and there is nowhere else to go.   What I and countless other initiates in history and of the Modern Mystery School today have discovered is that the lineage tools passed on to us in programs like Empower Thyself Initiation and Universal Kabbalah Ascension continuously bear fruit.  These tools assist us to move through stopping places.  In continuing the path, we continue to accelerate the growth process.  The break-throughs keep coming.  There is always more.  The downloads and guidance are clearer and clearer so long as we are willing to show up and do the work.

Amidst all that I have described and emphasized, on Monday morning I too go to a workplace.  I also focus on creating stability in steady work and pay.  And I must make space for joy-filled play  – life is not just about hard work.  The best life we can create is one of balance between inner work and living life – this is my point.  When we are ready to work with the inner child on a daily basis they have five basic needs that must be met: to be seen, to be heard, to feel safe to express, to love, and be loved.  And much of this dialogue and focus is best done in meditation and inner reflection.  Certainly, the road to creating the conditions where these are fully met is not immediate nor is it realistic to expect it to be met externally by others.  And there is no magic pill to “fix us.”  We may need adjustments but it’s vital we understand that we are not broken – we are whole and sacred beings.  The simple act of bringing awareness around a core issue is progress.  And the lineage tools I use have made this process much easier.

Ultimately, healing requires a commitment to sourcing love unconditionally throughout the process.  From me, my child-self needs both stronger boundaries in some areas of my life to protect her and the letting go of false, fear-based walls or beliefs so she feels safe to express, to be able to love and feel deeply loved.  Radical self-care in the form of proper nutrition, sleep, meditation, bodywork, exercise, etc. is also huge.  It’s no longer okay for me to commit acts of self-harm through either neglect or over-indulgence of my needs in the very particular ways in which my child-self patterned after my parents.

It is my hope that if you are seeking and reading any part of this three-part Revealing the Child series you will see an aspect of truth for yourself in what I share.  It’s my dearest wish you will choose to take action – your time is precious, carpe diem – and reach for assistance in ways that work for you on your path.  You may be ready for the higher and deeper-level transformations that come with the Mystery School initiatory path and Universal Kabbalah Ascension.  Or you may not.  Listen and pay attention to your guidance.  If you are seeking and ready for more empowered tools beyond modern psychotherapies and self-help programs, I invite you to reach out to me, my contact information is below.  I am able to support you in moving forward, you are not alone, your soul’s expression is needed in the world and I would love to hear from you.

Whoever you are and wherever you are headed, be bold in finding the tools you need to reveal and express your truest self— your divine child within.  Honor this extraordinary hero or heroine’s journey you are on by taking action to continuously progress.  If this article touched you or the topic is of interest to you, I dive deeper into childhood trauma healing and adult recovery with the next of this article series: Revealing the Child, part 2: Facing Childhood Trauma.

“As human beings, our job in life is to help people realize how rare and valuable each one of us really is, that each of us has something that no one else has–or ever will have–something inside that is unique to all time. It’s our job to encourage each other to discover that uniqueness and to provide ways of developing its expression.” From The World According to Mister Rogers

We all deserve to be happy and joyful. We all deserve lives we want to live. From the bottom of my heart I truly want to help others who are struggling with depression and being suicidal. I’ve been there, I want to help. You deserve more.

My Recent Struggle

Recently, I was reminded of how tough it is to be suicidal. I was under enough stress that I started having suicidal thoughts (again) and it had been several years since I had felt that way.

It was interesting to re-experience that place because I could better understand how others in a similar place might feel and I was able to more clearly remember how I made it through the first time. With this clearer understanding and remembrance, I felt I could now share the tools that got me through it to others, to help them make it through as well.

What I experienced was no real change to how my life looked on the outside, but I was utterly depressed and in pain. When I woke up in the morning, I was overwhelmed by a feeling of sadness that I was alive. I spent close to an hour just crying in the morning because I was awake and alive.

I reached out to get the needed help and I am back to loving life more than ever. But, this experience reminded me of what it was like to be suicidal and how I coped and then healed the first time. I want to share what I’ve learned in hopes that this helps others who are in a similar position.

My Fight with Depression and being Suicidal

Starting at around age 12 and going until I was about 21 I was plagued with depression. No matter how hard I tried, or how much I wanted to be happy, I never could find sustained happiness, only fleeting moments here and there. During this time I was keenly aware that dying would end the pain, although I also knew that wouldn’t get me what I truly wanted – happiness.

What I finally was able to discover is, the root cause of my depression was tied to a lack of acceptance I experienced from the world around me. I had enough people close to me in my life that told me I wasn’t good enough or wasn’t doing things right. I internalized that and believed them that I wasn’t good enough as I was. This drove me to have no self love.

Love is essential to being happy, and with no self love, I wasn’t even able to receive the love offered to me by others.

But, what carried me through the really hard times was the hope and knowledge that life has more to offer than what I was experiencing.

Believe me, I understand the feeling of “this isn’t ever going to end”. I dealt with eight years of ongoing depression. It felt like every time I was able to crawl out, it was only a matter of time before I fell back into the bottomless pit of despair and pain. But I knew I could change it, and I was determined to do so.

So, here is how you can get through being suicidal to be able to live a happier life:

1. Have hope –  Pray

Having hope that life can get better is key. A huge help to me was praying to God at night. I felt comforted by that connection and it sustained my hope by knowing there was someone out there to support me and that my desire for happiness was being heard. This gave me hope that one day my depression would get better and I’d be happy.

Now, not everyone feels comfortable praying to God or they don’t believe in God and that is okay! You can also pray, or talk to, your Higher Self. Your Higher Self is the part of you that is beyond the physical and gives you guidance. You can also speak to the Universe and ask it to help you, as everything comes from and is a part of the Universe.

2. Never give up

One of the best things you can do is keep trying new ways to find happiness. Never give up on trying to do that! When you keep trying new activities, ways of living your life, techniques for healing, etc. you have a better chance of succeeding and finding that happiness!

3. Be kinder to yourself

A lot of times by focusing on your mistakes and by being hard on yourself, that will make you feel depressed and not good enough. So be kind to yourself, realize that everyone makes mistakes. Focus on what you did well, your wins and what you can learn from the times when you do make mistakes.

4. Find people who accept you

Depression and being suicidal can be caused by and fueled by a sense of loneliness, by finding people who truly accept and love you as you are, you can counteract this feeling. You can try to find these people by joining groups focused on a topic or hobby you enjoy, or you can strengthen existing relationships that you already have.

5. Cultivate your own self-love

Tell yourself all the reasons why you love yourself. Each day come up with three to ten aspects of yourself that you love and write them down.

6. Find what you are passionate about

Being apathetic, not caring, is central to depression. If you can find something that you are passionate about, that ignites your desire to act and do, you will have something worth following! With depression it can be hard to get out of bed in the morning, to get ready, or to leave the house, give yourself something you are excited about so that getting ready isn’t so bad.

Taking this a step further, when you’re suicidal, having something you are truly passionate about makes life worth living and gives you a reason to push through the tough times. Especially if this passion is focused on helping others on some way, you can take the focus off of yourself and feel the need to push through to help others.

7. Fill your life with positivity

This can take many forms! Maybe it means writing positive messages on sticky notes around your house that make you smile or feel motivated. Maybe it means creating an environment in your home that makes you feel relaxed. Maybe it means getting a pet to show you love. Maybe it even means trying to actively change your thoughts from a negative perspective to a positive one. Keep trying to bring in new ways to make your life and days feel more positive!

8. Work on healing the underlying cause

There is a cause for depression and by addressing that cause you can more easily shift and heal depression, returning to a life filled with happiness and joy. The most effective tools I’ve found for healing depression and stopping suicidal thoughts are found in the Lineage of King Salomon which is offered to the public by the Modern Mystery School.

Immediately after receiving my second step initiation and about three months after receiving my first initiation, I was able to stop taking anti-depressant pills because I was simply much less depressed and much happier. This is because these initiations help empower you to create the life you want, and strengthen your connection to spirit. This connection and empowerment, helped me to quickly shift my life.

I now felt aware of my purpose – what I’m here to do this life. Passion for that was sparked and with the increased empowerment, the trials of everyday life did not negatively affect me in the same way anymore. I had modalities and tools to raise my energy and to meet life instead of hiding from it. This was just the start of the healing process that led to the general resolution of depression which had plagued me for a third of my life, and this shift happened extremely quickly for me.

“This was just the start of the healing process that led to the general resolution of depression which had plagued me for a third of my life, and this shift happened extremely quickly for me.”

The Key to Fully Healing

With the help of Universal Kabbalah, I was able to address the ingrained patterns and childhood traumas that had caused my depression and suicidal thoughts. Using Kabbalah I was able to shift these patterns and heal this childhood wounding. This is the key tool I used for healing the core underlying causes of depression in my life and instead created a life filled with joy.

So more recently, when I had suicidal thoughts reemerge after being under extreme stress, I immediately went to the Modern Mystery School sessions and received two different energy sessions to help me return to my natural state.

The day of the second session, I experienced starting my morning upset that I was awake and absolutely hating my job. After receiving the session the next morning I woke up extremely excited to start my day, walking into work thinking “Good Lord I love my job,” and “I love my life.” The change was so quick and drastic, but that is because our true spirit selves are already happy. They are connected to all the love and joy, all we need to do is shift ourselves to be able to receive that.

“The change was so quick and drastic, but that is because our true spirit selves are already happy.”

When parts of our energy body are out of balance or if there are blockages that prevent us from connecting with spirit, this can manifest in depression and being suicidal. I’ve found the most effective tools to be working with address these core causes. There are not many mainstream methods of working with your energy in this way, which is one important reason for working with the Modern Mystery School can help so much.

I used therapy for years and although it helped me cope, no matter how much I tried to logically understand the root causes of my depression and suicidal tendencies, I could never shift myself to heal. I simply couldn’t. I knew I needed to be kinder to myself, to have more self-love, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t do it.

With metaphysical tools found in the Lineage of King Salomon and the Modern Mystery School, shifting myself and my patterns wasn’t impossible, it was actually something that occurred naturally as a result of shifting my energetic body and unlocking access to love and the light.

Where to Start…

A great place to start is with the Life Activation which strengthens your connection to spirit, balances energetic structures, and increases positivity in your life.

After the Life Activation, you can do the Fire Soul Infusion and Activation which opens gates to the soul and ignites a fire in your life, increasing passion and creativity. This Activation greatly helps in reducing apathy and depression.

Empower Thyself class and initiation is also really great to do, as you get tools and teachings for how to be successful in the physical, how to elevate your energy, and empowering you to create and live the life you want.

If you are suicidal or depressed, I truly hope you use the methods described above and find a way to reconnect with your spirit and the infinite joy that is available to you. If you want help and support, please reach out to me, my contact information is at the bottom of this article.